


The Right Thing

by betsybo



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Doesn't go too far, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Harassment, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Season/Series 01, Sexual Harassment, Verbal Harassment, but still not nice, physical assault
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 21:39:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16900299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/betsybo/pseuds/betsybo
Summary: Rimmer accidentally does something brave - or stupid - as he'd call it.Set pre-series with still-a-first-technician!Rimmer and fairly-new-to-Red-Dwarf!Lister.





	The Right Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Posted this prompt today: Rimmer does something really brave (possibly inadvertently or he's just really pissed off) like maybe he intervenes when someone nasty is picking on Lister or harassing him, or rescues him from a near-death experience or something. Obvs Lister can generally handle himself, but basically he comes out of the incident thinking Rimmer is this amazing guy and adores him and constantly waves away Rimmer's claims that he's a coward, and Rimmer finds he really doesn't want to lose that. (https://starbuggers.livejournal.com/317.html?thread=183869#t183869)
> 
> ...And couldn't resist and wrote something for it myself. I just love Rimmer doing the right thing by mistake and Lister thinking he's wonderful. It's fairly undeveloped setting and story-wise, but maybe I'll flesh the idea out a bit more later on. For now, I hope that anyone who reads this enjoys!

 

The port was fairly grim, but such stops always offered the chance to relax and mix with the locals or the crews of other vessels. Not that Rimmer did a lot of mixing, but this time he’d chosen to board a _Blue Midget_ and take a change of scenery for twenty-four hours. He'd told himself it was always worth checking if there might be job opportunities on other (better) ships. But he’d had no such luck. One mining ship was much the same as another, really.

 

 _Red Dwarf’s_ vessels were due to leave in an hour, and he didn’t see any point in hanging around much longer. Plus, he hadn’t liked the look of the crowd around the bar area, and there wasn’t much else to do.

 

As he walked down the long, mostly empty walkway to the passenger ships, Rimmer heard a familiar voice. Over the dull roar from the ventilation system nearby, he could just make out someone saying, ‘Just stay away from me, yeah?’

 

He double backed a few steps and peered into some kind of supply corner. He rolled his eyes at what he saw.

 

Dave Lister, _Red Dwarf’s_ new third technician and all-round annoying, lazy goit, appeared to be squaring off against a man about two heads bigger than him.

 

Rimmer sighed. Typical. Naturally this would be Lister’s idea of ‘mixing’ – by getting himself into trouble and making _Red Dwarf_ look like it was full of stupid gits. Which was true, to an extent – but _still_.

 

If it wasn’t bad enough having to work with Lister, he’d also been assigned as Rimmer’s bunkmate. Usually, this wouldn’t have bothered Rimmer – None of his former bunkmates had stayed very long; for various reasons, although they always claimed it was something to do with him and his habits, or his own lack of tolerance for their habits. It wasn’t _Rimmer’s_ fault if he wanted to maintain some decorum out of work hours. Lister had had his own complaints, but he’d only told them directly to Rimmer’s face, in the rudest and most disrespectful ways he could invent. And yet, so far, he didn’t seem to be planning to leave.

 

Nevertheless, despite their mutual animosity, Rimmer did feel that Lister was somewhat his responsibility. He wondered what had caused the row; probably a game of cards or something equally frivolous.

 

‘Hey – Don’t walk away from me!’ the man was saying, his voice surprisingly posh.

 

He _looked_ an Olaf Peterson type, actually. But he was nearer the heightof Todhunter. It was a combination that Rimmer found deeply amusing. ‘Second Technician’ was written over the man’s breast pocket, probably from the _Vulcan_ or another ship like it judging by the navy uniform.

 

‘I have nothing else to say to you, man,’ said Lister, starting to turn away, only for the man to block him off.

 

‘Who the hell do you think you are?!’ said the man.

 

Rimmer snorted. The man was wasting his time, he thought. Lister wasn’t one to follow orders, let alone show some deference. He couldn’t see any of Lister’s awful group of friends around the place. No one to cheer his shenanigans on for once.

 

‘You’ll never know,’ Lister retorted.

 

The man’s big hand came down on Lister’s shoulder.

 

That was it, thought Rimmer. He’d explain to this fellow that Lister’s antics weren’t to be taken seriously, and that _Red Dwarf_ would deal with any necessary discipline internally. That ought to diffuse things quickly enough, and as a bonus, Lister would be thoroughly humiliated, having his superior intervene in this pathetic little confrontation. No doubt the idiot would be wanting to ‘handle it alone’ to look ‘cool’.

 

As he approached, Rimmer could make out the man’s name, ‘PIERCE’ on the other side of his shirt.

 

Suddenly, Pierce grabbed Lister’s oversized T-shirt, hauling him in and exposing a strip of coffee-coloured flesh. He put his face right up close to Lister’s, and Rimmer frowned in some alarm. Lister may have been a low ranking, irritating goit, but he was also rather a _small,_ irritating goit. And he was hardly the aggressive type – he was practically (as Rimmer’s father would have said) soft in the head. This reaction was, therefore, a _tad_ inappropriate.

 

They were from different ships, but still, Rimmer was quite sure he could pull rank here. He took a few steps until he was about a couple of feet behind Pierce.

 

‘That’s quite enough of that, miladdo,’ he said briskly, then internally cursed.

 

Now that the words were out there, he realised they had sounded a bit weird. Especially as Pierce turned, releasing Lister and looking Rimmer up and down with visible scorn.

 

Rimmer continued, undeterred. ‘As much as I can understand anyone wanting to give Listy here what for, my third technician isn’t actually the Cabbage Patch toy he resembles. Kindly put him down.’

 

Behind Pierce, Lister shot Rimmer the universal expression of, ‘Are you crazy?!’ as Pierce stepped into Rimmer’s space, his expression no calmer than it had been a moment ago.

 

Rimmer gulped, trying to show off his most appeasing smile. Lord, he was  _big_ , this man.

 

‘ _Your_ third technician, eh?’ hissed Pierce, giving Rimmer a shove that send him tripping back a few paces. ‘“ _Listy_?” What?’ He sneered at Lister. ‘Let  _him_ have a go on you, have you?’

 

Oh – _Oh_. Rimmer’s eyes widened. So _that’s_ what the nature of the argument was about. This man wanted to give Lister a different kind of ‘what for’ than what he'd been thinking.

 

‘ – I think there’s been a misunderstanding here,’ said Rimmer fearfully as Pierce advanced on him again.

 

Pierce smirked.

 

‘Yeah,’ he cooed nastily. ‘I’ll say there has. How about you run along now?’

 

‘Just get out of here, Rimmer,’ said Lister warily from behind Pierce.

 

‘Yeah, _Rimmer_. The boy wants a real man.’

 

At the pitiful statement, Rimmer couldn’t help himself; he screwed his nose up in disgust. But Pierce had already stomped back over to Lister.

 

‘This “boy” doesn’t want anything real from _you_ , mate,’ Lister was saying furiously, stepping backwards away from the man.

 

‘All I wanted was to know your name, _Listy_ ,’ said Pierce. ‘If you’d been polite, then so would I.’

 

 _God_ , this bloke was a lunatic, thought Rimmer. Of course, it hadn’t escaped his notice that Lister was... quite good-looking – for a young man. Pretty, some might say. Not Rimmer, of course. But this behaviour was just completely ridiculous.

 

‘I don’t have to tell you _anything_ ,’ snapped Lister.

 

He should run and get an officer, thought Rimmer. Someone big. With a weapon. Preferably a gun.

 

‘You do now, you little fuck,’ Pierce was saying as he advanced on Lister. ‘You’re not going anywhere. I suggest you do as I tell you.’

 

Lister’s back hit a wall, and he set his jaw and glared up at Pierce. Rimmer didn’t want them to touch. Pierce was going to grab Lister and hurt him deliberately; he just knew it.

 

‘There we are,’ drawled Pierce, closing in on him. ‘Right where I want you.’

 

He didn’t like this. He really didn’t like this. Lister was infuriating at the best of times, but he didn’t deserve this... _shit_. He _had_ to get help, but he didn’t want to leave Lister alone with Pierce.

 

‘And now you’re going to apologise,’ Pierce continued in a singsong voice, bringing a hand up to stroke Lister’s cheek, ‘tell me your full name, and then we’ll start over, yes?’

 

‘No, no, and... erm, let me think – ’ said Lister, counting on his palm as he cringed away from Pierce’s touch. ‘ _Smeg no_!’ He lifted his arm suddenly, trying to punch down, but Pierce caught his fist and abruptly shoved Lister hard up against the wall. Rimmer gasped, frozen where he stood and utterly useless.

 

‘What, are you fucked in the head or something?’ Pierce hissed into Lister’s ear as they struggled. ‘Are you _fucked in the head_?!’

 

‘Well, he’d have to be, to actually consider going to bed with you,’ said a voice.

 

Rimmer blinked. Who had said _that_ , he wondered?

 

Pierce gave Lister a rough shake and threw him to the floor. Lister gave a cry of pain or shock, Rimmer couldn’t tell. All he could tell was that Pierce had whirled around to face him again.

 

‘What did you just say?’ he asked dangerously.

 

Oh, smeg, he realised just before Pierce socked him hard across the face, and he fell to the ground. _He’d_ said that.

 

He grunted as he hit the floor, and then pain burst across his chest and then his hip; reverberating up into his sore eye socket. He rolled onto his side and curled up. He could hear a lot of swearing and shouting. His head was pounding and his vision was blurred, but no more hits or kicks came.

 

‘Rimmer?!’ came Lister’s frantic voice a moment later.

 

Rimmer groaned as two hands fell upon him gently, both stroking his arm.

 

‘It’s all right, man. They’ve dragged him off – someone must have seen and called security or – _Smeg_ , are you okay?’

 

‘...I hope he dies,’ croaked Rimmer, grimacing as his vision began to settle back to normal. ‘ _Soon_.’

 

Lister laughed.

 

‘I can’t believe what just happened,’ he said, rubbing Rimmer’s arm. ‘God – _thank you_.’

 

‘ – Thank you?’ Rimmer repeated painfully as he rolled onto his back, taking in the sight of Lister’s faintly worried smile. ‘What for?’

 

‘For what you just did, man. That was really brave!’

 

‘ _Brave_? I ended up being knocked onto my backside while he trod all over me!’

 

‘You still spoke up, Rimmer. It counts. And not that you should have put yourself in danger, but that counts too. So, yeah – thank you!’

 

‘All right... don’t go on about it.’

 

Lister chuckled again.

 

‘Don’t go on about it?’ he repeated. ‘I’m telling everyone the moment we get back to the _‘Dwarf_. You’re me hero!’

 

Rimmer pulled a face. He could imagine everyone shaking their heads in disbelief at the thought of Arnold Rimmer doing something brave.

 

‘I don’t feel like a hero,’ he moaned, struggling to get up.

 

‘No, no,’ said Lister gently, stopping Rimmer with a hand on his shoulder. He shuffled around on his knees to support Rimmer’s head on his lap. ‘Don’t move yet. Need to make sure you don’t have concussion.’

 

‘I’m perfectly all right – I was conscious for the whole, joyful experience of getting the snot kicked out of me.’ Rimmer closed his eyes despite himself.

 

‘Shh – Poor Rimmer. Lie still, yeah?’

 

Rimmer’s eyes snapped back open.

 

‘Poor Rimmer?’ he thought. That wasn’t right at all.

 

‘Did _you_ get hit on the head?’ he asked, staring at Lister’s upside down face.

 

‘Nah, I’m fine.’ Lister stroked a hand over Rimmer’s forehead. ‘He really got you, didn’t he? Smegging arsehole... Man, you were so great!’

 

‘Look – Lister.’ Rimmer swallowed nervously. ‘I... think you’re suddenly under the impression that I’m this noble, courageous guy. I’m not. Hell – you’ve been living with me for several weeks now; you _know_ I’m not. The entire time I was talking to that gorilla I was scared.’

 

Lister raised an eyebrow. ‘But you still talked to him.’

 

‘I didn’t actually mean to insult him. I was _intending_ to go and get backup. Well – someone else. Who wasn’t me.’

 

Lister pulled a considering face.

 

‘Still counts,’ he said.

 

‘But you don’t seem to understand, it was an accident, I – Ouch!’ Rimmer hissed as pain shot through his ribs.

 

‘Aw, poor Rimmer,’ said Lister. ‘Keep still, I’ve asked for a medic to come and check you over.’

 

‘Erm, now – you need to stop with this “poor Rimmer” business, Listy. It’s not dignified.’

 

‘Oh – I’m sorry,’ said Lister, and began carding his fingers through Rimmer’s hair. ‘I’ll just do this instead, then, yeah?’

 

‘Well,’ said Rimmer, trying to stop himself nuzzling into the touch. ‘That’s – if you must.’

 

He relaxed back into Lister's hold, wondering why it felt as though something life-changing had just happened.


End file.
